Last Sunday’s print New York Times’ article by Claire Cain Miller titled “When Job Puts Sexes Together, Workers Cringe” (found online as “It’s Not Just Mike Pence. Americans Are Wary of Being Alone With the Opposite Sex,” https://www.nytimes.com/2017/07/01/upshot/members-of-the-opposite-sex-at-work-gender-study.html), reminded me of a scene from When Harry Met Sally. No, not THAT scene. This scene:
Harry: You realize, of course, that we can never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I’m saying is — and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form — is that men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That’s not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: No you don’t.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: No you don’t.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You say I’m having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I’m saying is they all want to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
You see, according to a new Morning Consult poll conducted for The New York Times, “[m]en and women still don’t seem to have figured out how to work or socialize together. For many . . . it is better simply to avoid each other.” Miller reports that “Many men and women are wary of a range of one-on-one situations, the poll found. Around a quarter think private work meetings with colleagues of the opposite sex are inappropriate. Nearly two-thirds say people should take extra caution around members of the opposite sex at work. A majority of women, and nearly half of men, say it’s unacceptable to have dinner or drinks alone with someone of the opposite sex other than their spouse.”
Miller continues: “The results show the extent to which sex is an implicit part of our interactions. They also explain in part why women still don’t have the same opportunities as men. They are treated differently not just on the golf course or in the boardroom, but in daily episodes large and small, at work and in their social lives.”
The high percentages of people uncomfortable with the opposite sex are beyond disturbing and should serve as a reminder that there is still significant work to be done in eradicating discriminatory behavior in the workplace. It also made me wonder about what a survey that added an LGBTQ series would show (“is it appropriate to drive in a car alone with someone who is gay, but the same sex as you, if you are straight?” “what if you are also gay?”); or political leaning (“would it be appropriate to have dinner alone with a member of the opposite political party?”).
I mean, really. I thought that we were pretty much past this sort of thing at work. Here’s a thought for those who are “uncomfortable” interacting one on one with members of the opposite sex: come on people, you can be and should be better than that.
The article quoted one worker as saying that “he avoids any solo interactions with women, including dining or driving, as does his girlfriend with other men. When he needs to meet with women at work or his church, he makes sure doors are left open and another person is present. Others described similar tactics, including using conference rooms with glass walls and avoiding alcohol with colleagues. ‘Temptation is always a factor.’” This comment should make you cringe. Self-restraint and respectful interaction should also always be a factor.
So, to the guys out there, listen up: it really is possible to behave like a gentleman and have a professional relationship – yes, even one on one – with female colleagues in and out of the workplace. And, as Harry suggested, it does start with the guys. If nothing else guys, start by practicing to at least not be a jerk at work. Modeling good behavior may have a positive effect on your colleagues.
And, if you have children, please model good behavior to your sons and daughters. Then, perhaps a survey for the next generation in the workplace will yield a better result.